unwords, unthoughts, unreason, unrhyme & unpoetry
caterpillars, cocoons & butterfliesArchive for loss
Welcome to
The horizon sun sets blue
Whilst I am waiting for you.
The cold seeps into my bones
Whilst I am waiting for your call.
The craziness is commencing
Whilst I reach your answerphone.
The automated voice that is
Your girlfriend V, for Vodaphone.
The thoughts are ticking by in my mind
Whilst your phone remains OFF.
It’s a mobile phone, it should be ON
What is the purpose of it being OFF??
Unless you are doing something dodgy.
Cutting yourself off from the world.
Dad
You left so suddenly
Ebbing away to another place
Wishing I could see your father-face
One last time before you go
I hide in my heart
Your strength can’t be replaced
You take my breath away
Wishing I could give life back to yours
Body soul divide
I wish I knew how to say goodbye.
Yellow Days
Only you who makes me smile, can mend this broken heart of mine
I didn’t realise it would be this hard, not even if I tried
Fragments of our life fall heavy into the lost oceans of time
While my spirit lies so empty under the frozen sunshine
When you leave me, when you leave me
I will crumble into the ground
Shattering like a mirror
Crashing all around
I’m hanging over a waterfall by a ray of rainbow light
I’m slipping over the edge, falling through the sky
I can see behind your eyes, shining out is a yellow day
I can see your soul and dreams from a thousand yesterdays
When you leave me, when you leave me
I will be left with the stardust of your love
And memories like butterflies
Will die in the winter sun
You wipe away my eyes hoping you’ll wipe away the pain
As I try to hide the loneliness all over again
As I try to contain the anger because there’s no one to blame
Knowing if things were different, but now they’ll never be the same
When you leave me, when you leave me
I will be trapped in the light of your eyes
Caught by the all-consuming nightmare
Without you in my life.
Make-Believe
If I could hold your hand, I would, and I’d never let it go
Whether we were strolling in the park or playing in the snow
Beyond forever it feels like my love will go on
Finding it hard to believe you’ve really gone
Sanity won’t let me think of you in another life
While I am left alone and abandoned as the widowed wife
I wish you could take my breath away to give life to yours
And I’m thinking this as my head hits the floor
…I feel snug and warm in your soft embrace
Whispering that you love me, gently kissing my face
My head lies against the ground and you’re stroking my hair
You were always there
…I wake up slowly, and I can see your smiling eyes
Nobody really dies
You’re holding me tight and close like I am your world
So in your arms, I stay and I curl
‘I’m not leaving you’ my thoughts say ‘this time I’m not going to leave’
Hearing your heartbeat again, hearing you breathe
…Suddenly we’re outside under the starlit sky, it’s midnight blue
Thinking the night is young and nothing is cruel
And then we’re on a mountain, and then we’re in a stream
Memories are kept forever and I quietly just dream
I have you here with me
- and it’s true -
I feel there’s something wrong but I push it towards the depths of my mind
And I hear your voice, so beautiful and kind
And I just lie in your arms because it feels so perfect and right
A warm summer day, a warm winter night
I’m not letting you go because you are mine
You are my moon, I am your sunshine
…My wish on the shooting star came true and poured the magic back
…And then again I collapse
…I try to speak to you but you place your fingers on my lips
And now I’m scared because I feel I’m losing your grip
I look at your face and I see tears forming and I’m wondering why
I can see a sadness and hurt in your eyes?
I don’t have time to ask because the sun sets with angry purples and reds
And a haunting memory faraway reminds me of a life torn to shreds
And my eyes find the sky tumbling and falling down on us
And then I realise that I’m alone with the dust
And I cry. I’m scared. You’ve left me again
- and then -
I wake up to find my pillow is wet
With my tears and hurt and sorrow and regret
You felt so real again, but you were just my dream,
Everlasting, forever, eternally, I want you to keep
But I feel nothing except for the pain and the grief
Wanting to obliterate the gulf of guilt
And in my arms where you were, I’m holding nothing but my quilt.
song of a ghost
i was gazing into the skies and the stars spelled out your name
and then i realised it was just my eyes playing games
and then i remembered that things were no longer the same
and i didnt have anybody upon who i could lay the blame
i had departed into a world that you could not see
and all i could do was dream
and drift away into a reverie
where only i could breathe
i am with you all the time though you always seem sad
trying to take away the pain trying to make you feel glad
but you dont seem to hear the words in the darkness you are clad
and i am unable to show you the glowing light to make you understand
dedicating myself to you by the fire in the hearth
my love for you beats so deep in my heart
you were my dream from the start
but you wont listen or hear what i want to say
that i will always be here for you come what may
i will hold you throughout the evening and see you through the day
in my arms is where you will always stay
but you drift onwards and awake into an unhappy gloom
you look straight through me when i am in the room
your soul and your spirit are golden and bright
but you are keeping them unhappy through spite
from loneliness it blinds your vision and sight
when you could be flying high in the sky like a colourful kite
hold on to my love dont let it slip through the sieve
of grief and you must wholeheartedly believe
understand that you have so much more to give
and that i am the one that is dead whilst you continue to live



