Silhouettes dissected -
clinical cuts
like diamond facets.
Clean, cold lines.

Devoid of heart -
time frames distorted
moments lie naked.
Secrets scored and defined.

Sweet ray of light.

Time waits for no-one
Everyday it passes me by
Self doubting thoughts and actions
And the tears that I cry
Wake up and smell the coffee
“You’ll only end up alone”
I don’t know why I’m here
Switching off my phone.

Can’t wait anymore, I’m exhausted
Every word is a lie
Poison in my heart
And more tears to cry.
Wish you would just leave
You are draining me
A blank space located
Where – I – used to be.

I remember the beginning
You used to be my sky
No longer enough
To prevent my tears crying.
Your promises are broken
As soon as you verbalise intent
I don’t know why you try
It doesn’t make any sense.

Months turn into years
Trapped every time
Patience is a virtue
But not when my life isn’t mine
Tears blot the carbon
Etched in dead trees
Time will rot the senses
You lost me.

you said
i can’t breathe
without you
my mouth is
trapped in my throat
i can’t breathe

you said
until i know
to my earth
you have returned
you are my season of peace
in my wrestlessness

you said
i have all rights
that i am yours
don’t take me
for a fool
if i give to you my soul

you said
you wanted it
all back
love, hope, kisses
this time it was
going to everlast

you said
it was all in the past
this time
it was going to be
done right
it’s hard to believe

you said
how we used to be
and it’s all my fault
and i’m so sorry
i can’t take away
what i have done

you said
this time
it will be different
i’ve made my mistakes
i don’t want to ruin
my life

you hummed
a song from
the forgotten
moments of
days gone by
you remembered

The longest seven days of my life
Ended with a delivery report at 11:30am.
Sleepwalking through the mundane,
The routine hourglass slipping away,
And an edginess that doesn’t match.

Aching for the tenderness,
Your smiling voice on the phone.
Instead secrets spilled out, warning me about
The tattoo breathing on your chest.
It suffocates my every delicate pore,
Poisons my eyes and stings them
With tears of black ink scarring
My cheeks, my heart, for only me to see,
Stripping my soul bare and broken
Wrenching away what I never had,
For what could never even be.

Anger submits to a liquid lunch,
Subsiding to tears in the car park alone.
Voice of clarity and reason transmits
Across miles of urban sandstone.
Winding lanes and blind turns

Sitar playing in the wind,
Your playfulness and child nature,
Your smile awakens my trapped self
Within, and your hand in my hand
Is soothing, too lost in you
To find my way out. Close your eyes
I’m whispering and it’s two days ago
About, tell me what you see:
An image of your holding me
Arms draped and enveloping -
Suddenly, your heartbeat stops

And echoes in the door handle:
Private conversation now robotic accusation;
Time to lock off and leave – but I stay.
Head of thunder drives insanity closer
Facing twisted truths again,

Unravelling complacent madness,
Elemental carelessness permeating
A chaos of tempers and bruises
Exhausted and shattered and dying,
I am the fool that loses;
Every night and every day,
Didn’t know until it was too late.
Won’t you please just take me away?
I’ve never understood why it was you,
Who was always missing;
The mistake was mine to make.

Your reflection stains my pupils,
No longer is your face a reflection in my eyes

Remembering stinging memories
Instead of your magic lullabies.

I’m walking away from your drama
You used to be my only destination

Making your sky belong to only me
But the nines now live on in obliteration.

My heart beat to the rhythm of your love,
Silent worlds away and you’re not even mine.

Now it unplays broken sitar strings,
Even the strummer is deaf, blind.

Exasperated from borrowed languages,
Woh meri jaana hain, woh meri jaanam,

Only cutting my soul, when they
Were words you thought and said and hummed.